Would you give me an A in writing for this? Is it any good?

Great story! There are just one sentence that kinda interrupts the flow a tad: "I’d had to sneak at the dead of night past 6 security guards that had been borrowed from the president, and been camping out here ever since." I would just recommend maybe changing it a little... 'In the dead of night I'd had to sneak past six security guards borrowed from the president, all of whom had been camping here since the start of it all.' Hmm... try that or something else? Hope this all helps! Like I said though, great story--definitely gets a A (96%)