Part 3 to my story- be harsh! THANKS!?

Well the plot of the story is decent, but many of the elements seem so planned and superficial-like what you would expect from a novel at the grocery store check out counter. I would suggest that you go back through to the adjectives you used and upgrade them. If you can't think of a word yourself use a thesaurus. Next you need to look at more of the deep set roots of the story like the characters. Stories quickly become boring and dull if the reader can't connect to the characters. Add some backgrounds, add some of their thoughts, and add some of their feelings. Don't make it so clear cut action. What is the thought behind the action? Lastly interject some embellishment. Where is the spark or the color? I want to know what the setting is like as she's walking or in the car or at her grandmother's house. Use imagery- what does it smell, sound, look, feel, or taste like? I think the bones of your story are good but like a house blueprint they can always be tweaked to perfection!